TGB: Peace

The Star Stones were beautiful. Full of promises of future hope and happiness for the tribes. Calista watched the other cats milling around, exclaiming happily to each other as they picked out shards and brought them to the Void Tribe leader to be examined.

Once, Calista might have been enthralled by their beauty. She might have been as amazed as everyone else and thank the spirits with all her heart for blessing them so.

Now she felt nothing. Nothing except a bitter sort of despondency.

So what if the spirits had decided to gift them with more powers in the form of otherworldly gems? It meant nothing to her. She didn't want extra powers. She could barely control the ones she already did have. She'd overheard the Void Tribe leader describing the different types of powers each shard possessed. So far, she'd heard nothing that had any benefit to her.

Was there a power that could cure the constant ache in her heart?

Was there a power that could make her forget the recent betrayal from one of the cats she loved the most?

Was there a power that could make her stop caring so much? That could make her stop wanting to burst into tears every time she remembered that feeling of utter despair that being abandoned had given her?

No. No to all of those.

If the spirits were so benevolent, then why did they turn a deaf ear to her prayers? Why did they ignore her when she needed them most?

She hated them.

And she hated herself even more for hating them.

Yet even in her current state, she could not help but find herself drawn closer to the glimmering gems. She couldn't help but appreciate them. She was, after all, still a gem collector and crafter. Without really thinking about it, she reached out and touched a purple gem with her paw. She only meant to touch the phenomenon. Then she would leave.

She hadn't expected the warmth that emanated from the stone. She didn't realize until she felt it how badly she craved this warmth.

Somehow, she ended up in front of the Void Tribe leader, clutching the gem as though her life depended on it.

She was told that it would grant her sweet dreams. She didn't know how she felt about that. She had never really had dreams; none that she could remember, anyway. If she did, they'd never particularly done much for her. Did it really matter if her dreams were good or bad? They didn't change reality. It would be silly to think otherwise.

Despite her thoughts, she had dipped her head to the tom and taken her leave, holding the gem carefully between her teeth.

She worked that night. She wasn't the best crafter out there. But that was to be expected, she supposed, considering she wasn't fully fledged yet. Although her feelings about her job were conflicted, Calista couldn't deny that crafting was a good way to take her mind off things. She immersed herself so deeply in her work that she forgot to feel sad or angry or betrayed or any of the other negative emotions that had been plaguing her constantly. She felt nothing except the smoothness of the stone beneath her paws as she set about shaping it into something more refined.

It was only when she'd finally added the last bit of twine that she stopped, deeply breathing in the cool night air and examining her work. It was simple. But she liked it well enough.

Exhaustion was finally settling in. She'd stayed up far later than she normally would. With her new accessory placed around her neck, gently tinkling against her other necklace, she headed for her nest, where she curled up and closed her eyes.

At first, it was like her usual sleep. She felt nothing.

And then the warmth she'd experienced earlier, the warmth that she'd felt for the briefest of seconds, came into being once more. This time she didn't feel it physically, but rather inside of her. It was so gentle. It took over her entire body, her mind, leaving nothing untouched, until she felt light. All the tension was sucked away. In that moment, she did not feel grief or longing or anger or loneliness. Her insecurities were forgotten.

All she knew was the warmth, the unfamiliar yet familiar warmth. As if... as if she was surrounded by her family, and they were all happy, and they were curled around her lovingly and would never leave her, not ever.

She had forgotten what it was to be this happy.

Calista knew it wasn't real. This... this utter surge of joy and peace was not reality.

She didn't care. Her earlier doubts vanished, and she willingly surrendered herself to what promised to be the most beautiful sleep she'd ever had.

When she woke up, she found that she was smiling so much it hurt. Tears streamed from her eyes.

Tears of relief at finally being able to escape from her life.

Tears of regret for not being able to stay that way forever.